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From
the Houston LowDown's Editor, Valerie
Vol. No.
XXXXV: Matters of the Heart
Don’t you wish everything in life could be solved by plugging a
number into a formula and solving for the answer? Maybe it’s just my engineering brain
trying to process, but it seems that if Pi will always be approximately
3.14593 and water will always freeze at 32 degrees Fahrenheit, then why
can’t we get any guarantees or assurances in love and
relationships? The truth is, for
matters of the heart, there are no set constants. There are no formulas, no rules. There is no roadmap, no
blueprint. Unfortunately there
is no tried and true steadfast way to travel down the path of love
unscathed and untouched.
This is partly because in relationships there are always so many
competing factors that generate a multitude of questions. My favorite is the struggle between
mind and heart, emotion and logic.
Which should we allow to lead us and at what point does one take
over the other? How much does
love play in your decision to choose a mate? Or do you choose someone based on how
well you work together as a team or because that person would make a
good life partner? And does this
change as you get older? Does
this change when you start having fewer options or maybe when you start
having more options? And why
does it always seem like real love happens too late? Why don’t people recognize what they
have when they have it? And if
you can no longer have who you really love or who you really want, do
you settle? How do you know when
to fight and when to let go? How
does your stage in life with school, work, location etc. affect your
relationships? And why in the
world is timing ALWAYS off?
How should we navigate through these questions? How do you handle matters of the
heart? Everyone is quick to
offer advice, but really… nobody knows.
All advice is based on individual experiences which are never
identical to your own so how valid can someone else’s advice be to you
and your situation? If you’re
anything like me, you’ve heard it all – Lead with your mind, not your
heart, you can learn to love later. No, no, follow your heart, the heart
will always win, so don’t try to fight it. Always do what makes you happy, and
you’ll never go wrong. And don’t
get me started on the conversations about the importance of knowing the
difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I could write a whole article on just
that! And just when you thought
you had it figured out, just when you had everything planned, just when
you had adopted a motto or a method that worked well for you in this
love game, life throws you a curve ball and you’re back to square one.
Rest assured that at the end of the day all you can do is make
the best decision for yourself with the information you have on
hand. So let me assist, if I
may, with sharing my so-called formula for love that works for me (at
least as of March 16, 2010 at 6:36 AM CST). The foundation of my formula would
start with friendship, which in itself is a summation of laughter,
acceptance, and effortless communication. I would then multiply this friendship
by honesty and trust which exponentially strengthen the
foundation. Add in a bit of
sacrifice and a whole lot of patience and subtract out all traces of
selfishness and fear. Then
divide that whole base by faith, because without faith all of other
parts of the formula would be null and void. I would encourage you to do the same
for yourself. Develop a formula
that caters to you, something that can adjust and adapt with time, and
something that is based off your experiences and your values.
Once you develop your formula, please remember this: Above all else, guard your heart, for
it is the wellspring of life –Proverbs 4:23. Meaning your heart is the source of
all life, it is the derivation of all things, it is where everything
begins. Do you realize how
sacred that is? If we truly
understood how precious our hearts are, we would regard them, we would
cherish them and we would protect them always. Remember that at the end of the day,
we will be judged on matters of the heart, not on matters of the
mind. Your intellect and number
of degrees won’t matter if you can’t navigate through the relationships
of life. So let’s learn how to
love one another better, one formula at a time.
Enjoy!
Valerie
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